The Evangenitals
Cart 0

Ahab’s Leg (J.Crockett)

Where oh where

Where oh where

Can she be

My love, My leg

My love, My leg

Out to sea

Far from me

I will seek

My love, My leg

My love, My leg

Does she float?

Did she sink?

All I think

Is my love, my leg

My love, my leg

*It’s always the same

Again and again insane

I find myself incomplete

The hole, the hole inside inside of me [x3]

Above beyond below beneath

The leg, the leg, she calls out to me

She calls, she calls

I fall, I follow...

**And what are you looking for?

And what do you mean?

Do you know my story?

Can you stop this pain?

And where are we going?

And when when will we know?

Is this the wrong way?

We’ll get there too slow

***And the tide rolls in and it rolls out again

And the sea is a wicked old wicked woman

There’s a hole in the bottom of the sea

The sailor’s life for me

Oh there is none in all the world

there’s none at all for me

I’ve never loved a leg but one

and she...

Ocean’s deep

Cannot keep

Me away

From my love, my leg

My love, my leg

Andy The Mushroom (J. Crockett)

Andy The Mushroom 

He was a mushroom

There wasn’t much room 

To be anything but a mushroom, Andy

He never learned to drive a motor car

But he went very far 

Traveled the world with ease

Using the wind and trees, yeah

Andy the Mushroom he went through life with tiny hands

But he was in a big big band

And he could sing so high

He made the whole world cry 

Andy the Mushroom, he was a preacher

He was a teacher, separating what’s wrong from right

Andy the Mushroom, he was a prophet

He couldn’t stop it, showing us the way to the light 

Andy, Andy had a vision. 

He saw the prison, the prison that is inside our mind. 

Andy, Andy was a Mushroom. 

There wasn’t much room

To be anything but a mushroom, Andy


 

Bad Town (J. Crockett)

See that man with the golden tooth

He's got rhinestones in his boots

Oh lord, he's a bad one

See that lady sittin' over there

With the painted face and the perfumed hair

Oh lord, she's a bad one

And this is Bad Town

Everybody in this town is bad...

Don't fool around, son

Don't fool around cuz foolin's bad...

Everybody in this town is bad

Every babe born in this town born bad

That man there's my mayor

That man there's my priest

That man there gave birth to me

And that man's Stagger Lee

It's a bad bad bad bad town

It's a bad bad bad bad town

Cuz this is Bad Town

Everybody in this town is bad...

Don't fool around, son

Don't fool around cuz foolin's bad...

Everybody in this town is bad

Every babe born in this town born bad

Every mother's daughter and every dad

Everybody in this town is bad

[instrumental: guitar/fiddle]

[bass solo]

All the boys drink vinegar

And all the men eat rocks

All the women are tough as nails

And all the chickens are cocks

It's a bad bad bad bad town

It's a bad bad bad bad town

Cuz this is Bad Town

Everybody in this town is bad...

Don't fool around, son

Don't fool around cuz foolin's bad...

Everybody in this town is bad

Every babe born in this town born bad

Every mother's daughter and every dad

Everybody in this town is bad
 

 

Walking down my childhood street

the trees they sway to my heartbeat and

every bird it sings for me and

every door on every house is open...


Water pours out of a clear blue sky

and every street becomes a water slide

That we can ride


Drowning in the blackest seas with

tentacles attacking me

siren's scream in minor keys and

every eye on that octopi was open


Then suddenly you’re there to save the day

A spaceship teleports us far away

to a fortune teller somewhere in Bombay

I heard you say (telepathically)


Don’t wake from dreaming

Because the vision that’s inside is your true light

I have a feeling

When our eyes are open, that is not real life


Because there ain’t no prison walls that you can’t climb

And no matter how far you fall you’ll be just fine

From way down deep you hear a voice inside

This world is mine. It’s yours and mine.


Spinning in your office chair with

buildings burning everywhere

free from fear and free from care because  

every heart in the whole wide world is open

The lord himself was on the news today

Said it’s all good and everything’s okay

And anything you want you’ll have someday

I’ll show the way. Just follow me.

Don’t wake from dreaming

We must ride the dragons and free the Queen of Kites

Keep on believing

We can walk through walls and give the gift of sight

That every beast inside can be defeated

And everything you miss will be repeated

That life’s a game that cannot be completed

And that’s okay. It’s good that way

Don’t wake from dreaming

Because the vision that’s inside is your true light

I have a feeling

When our eyes are open, that is not real life

Because there ain’t no prison walls that you can’t climb

And no matter how far you fall you’ll be just fine

From way down deep you hear a voice inside

This world is mine. It’s yours and mine.

Don’t wake from dreaming.

Don’t wake from dreaming.

Don’t wake from dreaming.


 

 Everything you have -- Gonna fall away

All the good and bad -- Gonna fall away

Everything you touch -- Gonna fall away

What you love so much -- Gonna fall away

Fall away

Fall away

Everywhere you go -- Gonna fall away

Everyone you know -- Gonna fall away

Anything you see -- Gonna fall away

What you think you be -- Gonna fall away

You can’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t stop this celebration

All of life, all of life, all of life is just vibration

You can hang on -- or just let go

You can be stuck -- or let it flow

You build walls -- or penetrate

You can bring love -- or hate

You can’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t stop this celebration

All of life, all of life, all of life is just vibration

This is a party -- Y'all bring a dish

Better bring the good stuff -- Don’t bring no chips!

Every nickel and dime -- Gonna fall away

Comprehension of time -- Gonna fall away

Sadness and fear -- Gonna fall away

What we got right here -- Gonna fall away

You can’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t stop this celebration

All of life, all of life, all of life is just vibration

You can’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t stop this celebration

All of life, all of life, all of life is just vibration

You can’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t stop this celebration

All of life, all of life, all of life is just vibration

You can hang on -- or just let XXXXXXX


Fine Day To Die (J.Crockett)

As I look out across the ocean waves

What do I see? What do I see?

On a little fishing boat

A boy waves at me. He waits for me.

Together forever, that’s what we’ll be.

That’s what we’ll be.

It’s a fine day as ever, to die out at sea.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Wouldn’t you agree? (x2)

To the bottom of the ocean

We’ll sink you and me.

Just you and me.

Together forever, that’s what we’ll be.

That’s what we’ll be.

It’s a fine day as ever, to die out at sea.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Wouldn’t you agree?

When we get to the bottom

So happy we’ll be

We will be free.

Together forever, that’s what we’ll be.

That’s what we’ll be.

It’s a fine day as ever, to die out at sea.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Wouldn’t you agree? (x a bunch)

Down

Down

Down

Down

Down

Down

Down...

©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)

 Sometimes I feel so bright

Like a glowworm firefly night light

It doesn't make no sense

That I can't bright away the darkness

Cuz I shine just a little brighter

When you walk by my eye

Sometimes I feel so light

Like a hot air balloon bubble kite

It doesn't make no sense

That I don't float right off the cement

Cuz I fly just a little higher

When you walk by my eye

And it feels like anyone could come along

And take this love from me, Cuz it's free...

Sometimes I feel so smart

Like a straight A master of the finest hearts

It doesn't make no sense

That I can't share this benevolence

Cuz I fly just a little righter

When you walk by my eye

Don't be fooled by complications

Just be with me

You can trust your intuition

Feel your feelings, dream your dreams

Sometimes I feel so swell

Like a rainbow sitting by a wishing well

It doesn't make no sense

To even try deny this magnificence

Cuz I find I'm glowing like a fire

When you walk by my eye

And it feels like anyone can come along

And take this love from me, Cuz it's free...


Well my car broke down again

I lost my last best friend

I'm still wearing the same clothes that I wore last night

And these shoes I have to fill just don't fit right

Well I had a bit too much to drink

I thought a drink would help me think

To get some new perspective on this tired old life

Sublimate all my strife

Ahh....

Ahh...

Well I have no money in the bank

My ship came in and then it sank

I got no living kin for three thousand miles

I got no wife, I got no child

Boy I'm free....

Yeah I'm free...

No one cares what I do

No one hears what I say

No one tells me "don't go, please stay"

Well it seems I've misplaced my ID

So now I can't prove that I'm me

There's nothing to tie me to this cold, lonely town

When you walked out, here's what I found:

Boy I'm free....

Yeah I'm free...

No one cares what I do

No one hears what I say

No one tells me "don't go, please stay"


 

 Hello my friend

It's good to see you again

Though I've been hard

You have held on

So far, so far, so far, so far, so far, so far, so far

Hello my eyes

I must apologize

For all my fears

Though I was blind, you saw

So clear, so clear, so clear, so clear, so clear, so clear, so clear

I'm getting to know you

I'm getting to know you

So well, so well, so well, so well, so well, so well, so well

Hello my feet

You have carried me

Where I have gone

Through right and wrong, you are

So strong, you're so strong, you're so strong, you're so strong, you're so strong, you're so strong, you're so strong

Hello my mind

I have done you wrong so many times

Still you're no fool

You make my world

So cool, you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool

I'm getting to know you

I'm getting to know you

So well, so well, so well, so well, so well, so well, so well

Hello my friend

It's good to see you again


 Hey, Love (J.Crockett)

Hey, Love…

Where were you last night?

Hey, Love…

Where were you last night?

I could’ve used your help. I could’ve used a hand.

I could’ve used some warning about that man.

Hey, Love…

Where were you last night?

Hey, Love…

Where were you last night?

Hey, Love…

Did you see that fight…. fight…. fight?

You hear me crying Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord…

Hear me crying Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord…

Hear me crying Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord…

Hear me crying Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord…

Hey, Love…

Where were you last night?

Hey, Love…

Did you see that fight?


©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)



 Home, home

I'm never leaving

Home, home, home


And should one ask of me just where I am from...

I'll say that I am from right here.

And should one ask of me just where I long to roam...

I won't roam nowhere that ain't near.

Cuz I stay home...

I got a brown eyed boy, a house, car, and a brown eyed dog...

I got a million things that haunt me.

Someone once said you don't need nothing that you can't find in your own backyard...

And I ain't never been good with memories.

So I stay home...

And if it looks like a house and it smells like a house and it feels like a house, then maybe it's your house and you can come right in and you can pull up a chair, you don't gotta go home because you're already there!

I said home, home, I'm never leaving.

Home, home, home


 How Can I Choose? (J.Crockett)

Well... 

I got a boy he’s a really good boy and he 

brings me loving and he brings me joy 

and when he gives me loving it feels like something 

it feels like something good 

But... 

I got a man he’s a really good man and he 

brings me loving like a good man can

and when he gives me loving it feels like something 

it feels like something good

Lord, lord, lord how can I choose?

Lord, lord, lord why should I have to?

Now...

I got a beau he’s a really good beau and he

brings me sugar and he brings me dough

and when he gives me loving it feels like something 

it feels like something good

But... 

I got a dude he’s a really good dude

He’s a little bit dirty and a little bit crude

and when he gives me loving it feels like something

it feels like something good

Lord, lord, lord how can it be?

So much loving burning inside me!

Now...

I got a girl she’s a really good girl

Makes my bubblegum pop and my toe’s they curl

and when she gives me loving it feels like something

it feels like something good

But... 

She’s got a man he’s a really big man and he 

caught her sniffing my sardine can

and when he caught us humping he gave her something 

he gave her something good

Lord, lord, lord how can we choose?

Lord, lord, lord why should we have to?


©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)



Evangenitals_Logo_New.jpg

I Feel Love (J.Crockett)

I feel love 

Like a river flowing through a mountain 

It's so damn cold 

I feel love 

Like a bird flying high up in the sky 

Free, and it's shitting on my shoulder 

Ah, I feel love


I feel love 

Like a bouquet of flowers when they're wilting 

And the stems turn to slime 

(I feel love) 

And I'd say their in a vase but it ain't really a vase at all 

It's just a really big glass overflowing with rotten water 

Ah, I feel love

I feel love 

Like a sweaty fever sickness when I'm puking 

And you're cleaning it up 

I feel love 

Like a great parade that's all for me 

Filled with terrifying clowns and mimes 

Acting out my insecurities before crying children 

Ah, I feel love

And if this is love, then I don't want no part of it 

If this is love, why does it have to make me sick?

If this is love, then I don't want no part of it 

©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)

 Doesn't mean that I don't love you

Doesn't mean that I don't care

Doesn't mean I wasn't thinking of you

Doesn't mean that this is fair

I just forgot that you were there

I just forgot that you were there

You're so quiet all the time

Can barely hear you breathe...

I just forgot that you were there

I just forgot that you were there


I Want To Funk (J.Crockett, J. Maramba, M.Feldman)

I want to funk

You want to funky?

You want to funky on the funky funking floor?

Let’s get to funk

Let’s funky funky

Let get to funking like we never ever funked before

You like it rough?

I like it feisty

I like it feisty like a funky little dog

Commence to funk!

It’s funky funky

It time to funk until we got no funk to funk no more

[break]

I want to funk

It’s time for funky

The funk is funking in our veins so funking strong

Let’s get to funk

We funky funking

When the funking is so funked its funky right not wrong

You break a glass?

We don’t stop funky

This funky force funking our field above the floor

Commit to funk!

Say funky funky

One life to funk until your funked and funky funk no more

[break]

I want to

I want to

Funking is a dream like eating chips with sour cream

It’s a sensation in your hips that got your stomach doing flips

When the funk is on the ball your better grip your vaggie wall

If you made your reservation get your tix at will call

When the beat drops low all the butts stick out

When the funk goes slow all the tourists shout

say money money money and ride that pony

funk in the front fanny pack in back

funk in the front fanny pack in back

funk in the front fanny pack in back

I want to funk

You want to funky?

I want to funk

You want to funky?

Commit to funk!

Commit to funk!

Commit to funk!

Commit to funk!

Commit to funk!

©2019 Juli Crockett, Joey Maramba, Michael Feldman (ASCAP)
 

 Well it's good to see you come and sit right down

Thanks for asking me how I've been, my friend

And I would love to tell you that I've never been better

But that just ain't the way it is.... because...


I am sad

I'm so very sad

My heart is breaking in two, I swear that it's true

Because it feels like it's split and I almost get sick


I'm so sad

I'm so very sad

And I've been writing this song, to tell you what's wrong

So that we can get right but I won't sleep tonight, because


I'm sad

And I will always be sad

Till not one person one flea, one bird or one bee

Is hurting at all and all are set free

I'm be sad

And I will always be sad

Till all who are living are friends, the means are the ends

And everyone has, and everyone lends

I'll be sad

So if you're feeling sad

Then you can look in my eyes, and we'll recognize

That our pain is the same though it's called different names

It's just sad

In Spanish it's "triste"

In German it's "traurig"

But really it's just sad....

Oh don't you know that I'm sad…

[instrumental]

Oh don't you know I'm still sad

But that don't mean I feel bad

Because I can see we are changing our tale, with the speed of a snail

And we're sure to get there if we just say our prayers

To the air

To the sky and the sea

To the people, the trees in the spring and every last thing

Our neighbors, our friends, then everyone wins in the end

Then we can truly begin

To start building with nothing but love and only good stuff

Living our lives like we're free as a kite in the air

With no strings, just bright tails

In a world where everyone shares, and everyone cares

Because we can all see the "you" in the "me"

And we're sad (solo)

We're so sad

We're all sad

We're just sad...


It Grows

The flower

Turns its face

To the sun, it can’t help

But stare

The power

It compels

Endless ocean, earth swells

Receive

A sigh

Suspended

Wordlessly upended

We breathe

The eye

Unblinking

Hearts connection with thinking

Make way

And I know, that even through the pain, there is a seed of love

And I know, that tears are just like rain...

And my love -- it grows

My love -- it grows

The hour

Is so late

Eyes so tired they can’t stay

Awake

And nothing really matters

And loving takes a long time

And everything it shatters

And love is all you need

And I know, that even through the pain, there is a seed of love

And I know, that tears are just like rain...

And my love -- it grows

My love -- it grows

(Juli Crockett, ASCAP)
 

Evangenitals_Logo_New.jpg

Never Too Late (J.Crockett)

Well it is never too late to change your life

And it is never too late to leave your wife

It is never too late to have one dance with me

Oh it is never too late to take a chance and see

Oh it is never too late to start again

And it is never too late to call a friend

Oh it is never too late

So don’t you hesitate

Cause it is never too late to fall in love

My Uncle Johnny he lived all his life

In a constant state of struggle and perpetual state of strife

And when he finally laid down & gave up his ghost

Every man in fourteen counties raised a toast

He was so angry every inch of every day

That the best mortician could get that frown off of his face but when

I bent down to kiss his brow and say my last goodbye

From inside that cold old corpse I heard a faint voice start to cry

Said it is never too late to change your mind

And it is never too late to make some time

No it is never too late

So don’t you hesitate

Cuz it is never too late to fall in love

My Auntie Edna she was all “thank you” and “please” she was

A debutante who’d never want nor miss her morning tea

And though she was the apple of so very many eyes

She always kept a padlock ‘tween her thighs


Her lonely life it stretched one hundred fifty years

In which she never took a husband, had a child, or drank a beer and as she

Laid upon her deathbed and she grasped the preacher’s hand

She pulled him into bed and testified unto that man

Said it is never too late to try anew

And it is never too late to say “I do”

Oh it is never too late

So don’t you hesitate

Cuz it is never too late to fall in love
 

©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)

Evangenitals_Logo_New.jpg

Sadie Hawkins

One dance was all it took

Gesture and then a look

Beckoning me ‘cross a badly lit room

Can’t quite recall the song

But we both sang along

And when it ended, it ended too soon

You placed your hand in mine

My heartbeat kept the time

I stopped my thinking and started to feel

Falling into your step 

All of my life’s regrets 

Melted away when I found myself here


Dance with me, dance with me 

Sounds of a symphony 

Reside inside of your bones

Fall for me, fall for me

I will follow your lead

In your arms I feel right at home

Reciprocating, I’m anticipating

The next move you’re making

I’ll return in kind

Through infinite sadness, I’ll mirror your madness

And step forth with gladness

To drink from your mind

Faster or slower, for richer or poorer

At night or in bright light 

All life is our tune

Through living and dying, we’ll laugh till we’re crying

While season’s keep changed

Love’s always in bloom


Dance with me, dance with me 

Love is a symphony 

Resides inside of our bones

Fall for me, fall for me

I will follow your lead

In your arms I feel right at home

One dance was all it took

Gesture and then a look

Beckoning me ‘cross a badly lit room

Can’t quite recall the song

But we both sang along

And when it ended, it ended too soon

And when it ended, it ended too soon

©2019 Juli Crockett (ASCAP)

spam!

Take a look at this great deal on cellulite cream in a weight loss secret chamber. Late breaking news! Repossessed cars and government foreclosures on a mortgage loan retail rampage -- discount Viagra, no prescription needed, over-the-counter overload. See your favorite celebrities sucking SpyWare spam-busters -- clear away your debt forever!  Guaranteed! 

As seen on TV, all your ancestors -- your very own personalized family tree, this free genealogy chart will top the most successful remedy for Russian brides and mail-order illegal firework rope bondage, forbidden dance instruction with MILFs! Fifteen fierce fat angry inches of insane price breaks and super savings all for the low, low price of one apocalyptic booty-shake contest. X-ray binoculars, spy cams, a new recipe for success, self-esteem, and free solar panels -- your neighbors will be so jealous. 

Never be lonely again with a new dating service for army bonds -- never before seen bigger nuts and heavier balls sent special-order overnight mail guaranteed to increase both size and stamina or your money back.  Free Porn!  Just $19.95 for unlimited access to your neighbor’s wife caught live on webcam with -- new laundry detergent -- buy one get one free with 4 bags of coffee, keep the coffeemaker if you cancel, only pay shipping, free digital descrambler, no money down for the fastest DSL line in town.  

Thank you for participating in our survey -- enter the last four digits of your social security and get millions of free downloads of your big money prize winning poem that we’d like to include in our anthology of do-it-yourself inquiries into millions of hungry angry lonely tired married single big beautiful fat skinny slut virgin pregnant gay cheerleaders are waiting for your call. For one night only live sheep can refer your friends and get 5 more CD’s absolutely free with your paid subscription! The government doesn’t want you to know about this free credit report finding out anything about anyone within minutes of the DIY conspiracy theories of viral infections which you can click here to place your free personal ad for unlimited access to hot Scientifically Proven weight loss and NO wrinkles if you forward this email to 24 of your closest friends and associates within 24 hours a horoscope with free installation and a value of what celebrity would your baby be the smartest best most glorious on high brighter LED bulbs for LIFE! Don’t delete. Be sure to subscribe. Don’t miss out. Don’t think. Don’t stop clicking. Faster. Faster. Harder. Give it to me. Don’t stop. Don’t miss out.

©2019 Joey Maramba, Cody Farwell, Juli Crockett (ASCAP)

Turbulent Flow (J.Crockett, J.Maramba, M.Feldman)

You can’t contain this!

That ain’t the way that it works

A freak eruption of convulsions and a series of jerks

You can’t explain this!

It’s just a matter of fact

No mathematic-apparatus can predict my attack

Can’t nobody stop this flow

Where it’s going no one knows

You think you know me

But all you know is my name

And my momentum has system that nobody can tame

A situation that one can never rehearse

The metamorphosis transforms us till the black bubble bursts

Can't stand the flux

Well, that's the crux

This ain't no static this is Turbulent Flow

Go

Can’t nobody stop this flow

Where it’s going no one knows

A generation

of vortex stretching and whirls,

its my spasmodic diatonic that will get you the girls  

It's a gyration,

chaotic eddies and flows,

who's complicated variation patterns god only knows

Feel the vibration of the hammer that hit

When Tashtego took the sea-hawk to the bottomless pit

Can’t nobody stop this flow

Where it’s going no one knows

Can't stand the flux

Well, that's the crux

Come try your lucks

Cuz static sucks

Don’t like the flux

Well that’s the crux

Cuz static sux

This ain’t no static this is Turbulent Flow

Can’t nobody stop this flow
 

#WERK (J.Crockett, J.Maramba, M.Feldman)

 (Hey Girl) I got something to offer you

 (Hey Girl) I got nothing to say

 (Hey Girl) I can do anything that you want me to

 (Hey Girl) I can shit with a smile on my face

And I could work for you…

#WERK

 (Hey Girl) What do I know? I know nothing

 (Hey Girl) What can I do? A little bit of everything

 (Hey Girl) It turns me on when you pay me

 (Hey Girl) To do things I’ve always wanted to do

And I could work for you

#WERK

(FLUTE SOLO?!?!?!)

#WERK

 (Hey Girl) I could show me my resume

 (Hey Girl) If you got a few hours to kill

 (Hey Girl) Man, I’ve worked everywhere… even Mexico

 (Hey Girl) I can drink a full keg of beer

And I could work for you

#WERK

 (Hey Girl) Look how strong I am lifting things

 (Hey Girl) Would you bend over and grab me my vice?

 (Hey Girl) See me stopping your leakages

 (Hey Girl) Watch me building a wall

I could work for you

#WERK

 (Hey Girl) You see me speaking three languages? #WERK

 (Hey Girl) Hola, Hey Girl, and Guten Tag #WERK

 (Hey Girl) All my drill bits are organized #WERK

 (Hey Girl) I’m on a conference call right now…

©2019 Juli Crockett, Joey Maramba, Michael Feldman (ASCAP)